Nigerian Jokes

Saw this one during the Subsidy/Occupy Nigeria strike years ago: Hello, My name is Frank Edoho, from who wants to be a Millionaire. Your Friend Jonathan is on the hot seat, he needs your help to win One Loaded Tanker of Fuel. The next voice you hear is your friend's. ( Your time starts now ). Paddy how far: Abeg wetin be the yoruba Name for SUBSIDY?

Girlfriend: Honey, please could you buy me my bathing soap when you are coming? Boyfriend: Alright! No problem... but how much is it? Girlfriend: it's just N15k Boyfriend: blood of Jesus!!! Does it wash away sins and sorrows???

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathro...

A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek state of the art range rover sports and disembarked. Professor: guy, abeg, give me full tank. Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don't speak pidgin, I only speak English Professor: Ok! good morning, I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim. Fuel Attendant: Oga na play I dey play o, how much fuel you wan buy?

An old farmer wrote to his son who was in prison "...I won't be able to plant potatoes and other things this year because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would have helped me." The son wrote back, "Dad, don't even think of digging the field do you want to expose me? That's where I buried the money I stole." The police read the letter before delivering it to the father, and the next day the whole field was dug by police but nothing was found. The following day the son wrote to his father again, "Now you can plant your potatoes Dad, your farm has been dug for you."

Today's my birthday, here's a gift for you: A guy stuck his head into a barber's shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "In 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Sunday, please help me. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back". A little while later, Sunday returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where do...

The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written "1102BC". The teacher now asked "who knows what this means?"  Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him. She then asked again and yet only Akpos' hand was still up. So she allowed him to answer. Akpos said "Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that"