Nigerian Jokes

Mrs. Dawodu phoned the electrician because her television quit working. The electrician couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the TV, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll send you the money later. By the way, I have a large rotweiler (dog) inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the electrician, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove the electrician nuts. As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you just shut up!" To which the parrot replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

A true story from an acquaintance.... I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a LASTMA official, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it. (The door's lock is faulty) As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving... Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him. LASTMA Official: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog? Me: (I bone my face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense? LASTMA Official: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from? Me: From hospital. LASTMA Official: Ehen! you sick? Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef. LASTMA Official: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that? Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person. LASTMA Official: The dog know you? Me: Yes nah, no be my dog? ...

God created the donkey and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20." God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him, "You will guard the house of Man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog." The dog answered, "Sir, to live 30 years is too much. Give me only 15." God granted his wish. God created the monkey and said to him, "You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey." The monkey answered, "To live 20 years is too much. Give me only 10." God granted his wish. Finally god created man, and said to him, "You will be man, the...

One day, an uncle came to greet us, you know those uncles that are not related through any bloodline but were just old enough to be uncles and were constantly in our house on Sundays because of the free lunch (no offense but its true!). Anyway, our family dog liked this uncle because he knew how to scratch his ears and ruffle his fur. Bingo used to love to sit by this uncle's side, while he performed his magic, and this particular day was not different. We were all in the living room watching TV when a sudden odious smell spread round. We children escaped to the balcony one by one, and breathed fresh air, but Mother would not leave the room, because of the guest. Five minutes later we returned and settled down, but we had to run out again after ten minutes because a fresh wave of the smell circulated round. When it happened the third time, Mother shouted, "Leave now before the smell kills you!", and the man proceeded to stand. Mother quickly added, "Not you, I ...