Nigerian Jokes

A 90 yr old man goes to a doctor. He said:"Doctor, my 28yr old wife is pregnant, what's your opinion?" Doctor replies: "Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of his hunting rifle. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella pulls the handle and....BANG!!!...d lion drops dead!" Old man exclaims: "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion." Doctor: "EXACTLY MY OPINION."

Daddy," said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married." "Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?" "Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma. She’s nice" "Now, wait a minute," said his father. "You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!" "Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine."

At dinner, a little boy offered to lead in prayer. "Dear Lord," he started, "Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed and made her cry." "This coming winter," he continued, ignorant of all the stares he was receiving,"Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work" ...AMEN!.... and there was silence.

Today's my birthday, here's a gift for you: A guy stuck his head into a barber's shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "In 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Sunday, please help me. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back". A little while later, Sunday returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where do...

WIFE: Honey before we got married, you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry. HUSBAND: Yes, and? WIFE: How come you don't do it anymore? HUSBAND: Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to the fish after catching it?

Never argue with a woman , just use your brains like this Waffi guy. A man went on a night out with his friends the wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him. At about 12 midnight the man comes back and knocks...the Wife tells him "Go sleep where you dey come from o!!" Judging by her tone of voice that her fury is about to overflow,the man answered "Relax I no com sleep, nah the condoms wey dey on top table for my room I come collect. In fact give them to me. Plenty women dey for the party!" The wife opened the door and said,"Where you dey go? Oya Enter o! Come inside the house before I change my mind!"

I know its been ages, but Life caught up with me for a while. Forgive me. Here's a little tidbit to whet your appetite for the things to come: Advice to husbands: "If your wife uses a dual SIM phone, save both numbers under one name: WIFE. NEVER save as Wife 1 and Wife 2. Trust me on this." - From a Hospitalized Husband.

One day, an uncle came to greet us, you know those uncles that are not related through any bloodline but were just old enough to be uncles and were constantly in our house on Sundays because of the free lunch (no offense but its true!). Anyway, our family dog liked this uncle because he knew how to scratch his ears and ruffle his fur. Bingo used to love to sit by this uncle's side, while he performed his magic, and this particular day was not different. We were all in the living room watching TV when a sudden odious smell spread round. We children escaped to the balcony one by one, and breathed fresh air, but Mother would not leave the room, because of the guest. Five minutes later we returned and settled down, but we had to run out again after ten minutes because a fresh wave of the smell circulated round. When it happened the third time, Mother shouted, "Leave now before the smell kills you!", and the man proceeded to stand. Mother quickly added, "Not you, I ...

One day, a woman asked her son to call her husband to ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner.After the sixth time the boy complained to his mother that a female voice was what he heard everytime he called and the lady would not let him speak to his dad. By the time the man got home that evening, his wife was fuming seriously. She was so angry that she met him at his car and grabbed his shirt right there in the front yard. "How dare you cheat on me?" she shouted, attracting the neighbors instantly. "How could you? After all we have been through?" The confused man stared at her - he could not fathom why she was so mad at him. The neighbors tried to calm her down but she refused, and when someone asked for evidence, she recounted the phone call episode and called on Junior to repeat everything the lady on the phone said. "The number you are calling is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later," Junior said.

Mr. X found out after three years of marriage, that his wife had killed her first husband. He stayed married to his wife even after his discovery, but refused to eat her cooking and then bought a dog after he could not escape from her any longer. She eventually began to complain that he loved the dog too much, because when ever she cooked for him, he would give Bruno the dog some of the food and watch it eat and play for an hour before eating himself. One day, his wife cooked for him and he called the dog. Bruno came to him, ate some of the beans, and went outside to play. Minutes later, Mr. X ate the remaining and sat in front of the TV to watch a match. An hour later, his niece ran into the house shouting "Bruno! Bruno!" "What happened to Bruno?" he asked her, concerned. "Bruno is dead!" she replied. Mr. X called his wife and began shouting "Murderer!" at her, promising her that she would never get any of his money and saying all sorts. W...

We all have relatives that make us miserable sometimes, and make us wish them away those times. We love them but we cannot stand them sometimes. Nigerian have jokes along these lines as well: mother-in-law jokes, father-in-law jokes (not much), husband-hate-jokes, wife - hate jokes, all the stuffs. Post on!