Nigerian Jokes

Telephone Conversation between a Yahoo Yahoo boy and potential Maga (Akpos)... Phone Rings.. . Akpos: Hello? Who am I speaking with Pls? Yahoo boy: Ah, don't u know who is calling? Akpos: No I don't, the number is restricted. Yahoo boy: How is Ligeria? Akpos: Nigeria is fine but who am I speaking with? Yahoo boy: It's your friend from London. Akpos: I have a couple of friends in London which of them is this? Yahoo boy: Just guess. Akpos: Em, is it Fatai? Yahoo boy: Yes! It's me Fatai! Akpos: Ah! Fatai! Looonggg time no see, how now? How is London? Yahoo boy: London is fine, how is Ligeria? Akpos: Nigeria dey there o, the usual wahala, Ehen! The other day I saw ur mother, she is very sick o, dat was two weeks ago, I am sure she should be dead by now.... Yahoo boy: Ah! Akpos: Yes o, your father's house in the village rain-storm blew away the roof and it landed on the old mans legs and shattered them, he is at Ogwa presently ...... Ya...

A Nigerian, an American and a German boarded a plane. As the plane was flying over the sea satan came out and said to them: "I want you to drop something into the sea, if I find it you die and if I don't, you live." The American quickly plucked a button from his shirt and threw it into the sea. Satan dived into the sea and came up with the button.  ''see!'' he said, and killed the American. The German threw a Pin into the sea, Satan dived and came out with the Pin.  ''See!'' he said and killed the German. The Nigerian brought out a pure water sachet, opened it and poured the contents into the sea holding back the sachet, he said to Satan, ''Oya begin find water inside water...Idiot''. Even the devil bowed in defeat.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out. First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700." The g...

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish lady in order to be legally certified via resident status... but the lady was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda. Upon marriage, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together. The Naija man was somewhat perplexed, although not perceptibly, and wondered how he'd get out of this spot. He postponed and postponed until he could do so no more. Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swede came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the table. Our Naija chappie was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was all he could think. The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, ...

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't want to know why, so long as its still available at TFC and Tantalizers, with chips, no problemo! All these foreign jokes don taiya me! Lets have our own jokefest! RULES: When a word or sentence is given, we all strive to find hilarious jokes that use the word, situation or sentence. For example, if the word is "Warri" there can be jokes on warri people, their food, their english etc (u know say the jokes plenty about that side of naija). I hope over that next few weeks we all have fun! Don't forget to refer to any stand up comedian you are quoting o! Make dem no curse our typing fingers! Happiness to you!