Nigerian Jokes

One day, a Rabbit was running around the forest happily when he saw a giraffe smoking marijuana, "Hey" he said to the giraffe, "why do you do this to yourself my friend? Just run around the forest with me, and you'll feel happier." The giraffe thought about this, left the smoke and started running with the rabbit. After a while, they came across an elephant taking heroin, "Hey" said the rabbit to the elephant, "why do you destroy yourself with drugs? Just run around the forest with me and you'll definitely be happier." The elephant thought about this, left his drugs and started running around the forest with the rabbit. After a while, they saw a Lion taking cocaine, a powerful drug, "Hey" the rabbit said to the lion, "why do you punish yourself so? Just run around the forest with me and you'll feel happier." Then the lion left his drugs and started giving the rabbit the beating of his life. "Hey...

Mrs. Dawodu phoned the electrician because her television quit working. The electrician couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the TV, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll send you the money later. By the way, I have a large rotweiler (dog) inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the electrician, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove the electrician nuts. As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you just shut up!" To which the parrot replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when at last they saw a Mosque upfront. “Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be your name?” David said. Michael refused to change his name. When both of them reached the Mosque, the Imam received them well and asked their names. “My name is Ahmed.”, David said. Michael replied: “My name is Michael.” The Imam turned to his helpers and said: “Please bring food and water for Michael.” Then he turned to David and said:“Brother Ahmed, Ramadan Mubarak..." DAVID FAINTED

A true story from an acquaintance.... I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a LASTMA official, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it. (The door's lock is faulty) As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving... Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him. LASTMA Official: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog? Me: (I bone my face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense? LASTMA Official: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from? Me: From hospital. LASTMA Official: Ehen! you sick? Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef. LASTMA Official: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that? Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person. LASTMA Official: The dog know you? Me: Yes nah, no be my dog? ...

A certain American President was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." The President frowned. "Russian roulette's not a friendly, nice game." The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the President. This gained the President's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" The African...

I know its been ages, but Life caught up with me for a while. Forgive me. Here's a little tidbit to whet your appetite for the things to come: Advice to husbands: "If your wife uses a dual SIM phone, save both numbers under one name: WIFE. NEVER save as Wife 1 and Wife 2. Trust me on this." - From a Hospitalized Husband.

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as Iwas ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: Scroll down... You'll love this.... ' You got Male!