Nigerian Jokes

One day, an uncle came to greet us, you know those uncles that are not related through any bloodline but were just old enough to be uncles and were constantly in our house on Sundays because of the free lunch (no offense but its true!). Anyway, our family dog liked this uncle because he knew how to scratch his ears and ruffle his fur. Bingo used to love to sit by this uncle's side, while he performed his magic, and this particular day was not different. We were all in the living room watching TV when a sudden odious smell spread round. We children escaped to the balcony one by one, and breathed fresh air, but Mother would not leave the room, because of the guest. Five minutes later we returned and settled down, but we had to run out again after ten minutes because a fresh wave of the smell circulated round. When it happened the third time, Mother shouted, "Leave now before the smell kills you!", and the man proceeded to stand. Mother quickly added, "Not you, I ...

One of my friends always prided himself in landing such a cool job, and a beautiful, Agbani babe in the same month. On this year's Valentine's Day, he went over to the flat he had gotten and furnished for her, to take her out to Taipan for dinner. While she was in the shower, the Razr phone he had bought for her weeks before began ringing, and he picked the phone to see the Caller ID. He chuckled to himself when he saw 'Mugu No 2'. He shook his head, wondering why all the guys would never stop disturbing his babe. Seconds later, he picked the phone again, his curiosity picked at what she had saved his number as. He dialed his number and dropped the phone when he saw the caller ID. He picked his jacket and walked out. She had saved his number as 'Mugu No 19'.

There was this day that entered a bus going from Ketu to Ojuelegba in Lagos, and a guy entered after me. He was well-dressed and looked slick, what we call ' a botta boy'. When it was time to pay,the following conversation ensued: "How much is the t-fare?", he asked the conductor in a British accent. "Wetin you talk?", the conductor asked back, with raised eyebrows. I didn't blame the boy, as the guy was almost inaudible. The cream young man repeated himself twice before someone came to his rescue and "interpreted" for him. He gave the conductor five hundred naira, and was expecting change but the conductor simply ignored his outstreched hand and faced the other passengers. The young man waited patiently until the conductor was through with the others, before demanding (again in that British accent) for his change but the conductor continued ignoring him. When the bus was descending the bridge and approaching the final bus stop, the young ma...

One day, a woman asked her son to call her husband to ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner.After the sixth time the boy complained to his mother that a female voice was what he heard everytime he called and the lady would not let him speak to his dad. By the time the man got home that evening, his wife was fuming seriously. She was so angry that she met him at his car and grabbed his shirt right there in the front yard. "How dare you cheat on me?" she shouted, attracting the neighbors instantly. "How could you? After all we have been through?" The confused man stared at her - he could not fathom why she was so mad at him. The neighbors tried to calm her down but she refused, and when someone asked for evidence, she recounted the phone call episode and called on Junior to repeat everything the lady on the phone said. "The number you are calling is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later," Junior said.

Before the police came to pack all the beggars from Yaba last year, there was a constant blind beggar who always sat near the NYSC statue (if you know Yaba well,its just at the round about, where you can find buses going to Idi-araba). He had a dog that was always faithfully at his side, and never left him. The scene always used to touch one of my friends and she would drop some change in the beggar's bowl on our way to school, but one day we were almost late for class and we hurried past, only for the man to run after us, begging for money. We were surprised. "How did you know I passed you?", my friend asked. "Are you not blind?" "I am not blind," replied the man, pointing to the dog. "Its Rover that is blind". On closer inspection, we realised that the "To whom it may concern" tablet hanging from the man's neck did indeed say that one "Rover Donalds xxxxxx was blind from cataract". Nigerians! What wont we do for mon...

Mr. X found out after three years of marriage, that his wife had killed her first husband. He stayed married to his wife even after his discovery, but refused to eat her cooking and then bought a dog after he could not escape from her any longer. She eventually began to complain that he loved the dog too much, because when ever she cooked for him, he would give Bruno the dog some of the food and watch it eat and play for an hour before eating himself. One day, his wife cooked for him and he called the dog. Bruno came to him, ate some of the beans, and went outside to play. Minutes later, Mr. X ate the remaining and sat in front of the TV to watch a match. An hour later, his niece ran into the house shouting "Bruno! Bruno!" "What happened to Bruno?" he asked her, concerned. "Bruno is dead!" she replied. Mr. X called his wife and began shouting "Murderer!" at her, promising her that she would never get any of his money and saying all sorts. W...

We all have relatives that make us miserable sometimes, and make us wish them away those times. We love them but we cannot stand them sometimes. Nigerian have jokes along these lines as well: mother-in-law jokes, father-in-law jokes (not much), husband-hate-jokes, wife - hate jokes, all the stuffs. Post on!

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't want to know why, so long as its still available at TFC and Tantalizers, with chips, no problemo! All these foreign jokes don taiya me! Lets have our own jokefest! RULES: When a word or sentence is given, we all strive to find hilarious jokes that use the word, situation or sentence. For example, if the word is "Warri" there can be jokes on warri people, their food, their english etc (u know say the jokes plenty about that side of naija). I hope over that next few weeks we all have fun! Don't forget to refer to any stand up comedian you are quoting o! Make dem no curse our typing fingers! Happiness to you!

Welcome to Naija!