Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Egyptian Excursion

The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written "1102BC".

The teacher now asked "who knows what this means?"
 Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him.
She then asked again and yet only Akpos' hand was still up.

So she allowed him to answer. Akpos said "Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that"

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Akpos and the Yahoo boy

Telephone Conversation between a Yahoo Yahoo boy and potential Maga (Akpos)...

Phone Rings...

Akpos: Hello? Who am I speaking with Pls?

Yahoo boy: Ah, don't u know who is calling?

Akpos: No I don't, the number is restricted.

Yahoo boy: How is Ligeria?

Akpos: Nigeria is fine but who am I speaking with?

Yahoo boy: It's your friend from London.

Akpos: I have a couple of friends in London which of them is this?

Yahoo boy: Just guess.

Akpos: Em, is it Fatai?

Yahoo boy: Yes! It's me Fatai!

Akpos: Ah! Fatai! Looonggg time no see, how now? How is London?

Yahoo boy: London is fine, how is Ligeria?

Akpos: Nigeria dey there o, the usual wahala, Ehen! The other day I saw ur mother, she is very sick o, dat was two weeks ago, I am sure she should be dead by now....

Yahoo boy: Ah!

Akpos: Yes o, your father's house in the village rain-storm blew away the roof and it landed on the old mans legs and shattered them, he is at Ogwa presently ......

Yahoo boy: Shuuooooo:O!

Akpos: ....yes o, the bone mender says it will not heal because he has diabetes, later they said tetanus has entered already, the man is quarter to go, your younger brother went to smoke Igbo with those bad boys and since then the guy kolo, he is in Uselu psychiatric now, your elder brother went to a burial at Ugbegunebudin he went to drink anyhow there, they nack am epilepsy there, he is just falling every time .....

Yahoo boy: Haaaaa!!!!!

Akpos: ...wait o, there is more, your sister carry belle, e go do aborti ....

Yahoo boy: You wait! E don do for you! I reject everything you say in Jesus name! Those things will never happen to me....

Akpos: Ah! Is this not Fatai, they have already happened ...
Yahoo boy: I am not Fatai, you idiot, na God go punish u.

Akpos: Na devil go solder ur yash, no go find work bloody thief! 419...wait make I burn your credit small,idiot.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Fisherman and the fish

WIFE: Honey before we got married, you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry.
HUSBAND: Yes, and?
WIFE: How come you don't do it anymore?
HUSBAND: Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to the fish after catching it?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Never argue with a woman

Never argue with a woman, just use your brains like this Waffi guy.

A man went on a night out with his friends the wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

At about 12 midnight the man comes back and knocks...the Wife tells him "Go sleep where you dey come from o!!"

Judging by her tone of voice that her fury is about to overflow,the man answered "Relax I no com sleep, nah the condoms wey dey on top table for my room I come collect. In fact give them to me. Plenty women dey for the party!"

The wife opened the door and said,"Where you dey go? Oya Enter o! Come inside the house before I change my mind!"

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Government Concept

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what The Government is.

When Benny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked his dad what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, our maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded Benny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' Benny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Benny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Benny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room.

When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Benny was surprised, but he didnt say anything, and went back to bed.
The next morning, at breakfast, the dad asks, "So, Benny, have you now understood what I was explaining to you yesterday?"
Benny thoughtfully replied, as he buttered his toast, "Yes daddy, I now understand the government! The President is screwing the Workforce, while Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the People, and the future is full of shit!''