Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Government Concept

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what The Government is.

When Benny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked his dad what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, our maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded Benny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' Benny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Benny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Benny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room.

When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Benny was surprised, but he didnt say anything, and went back to bed.
The next morning, at breakfast, the dad asks, "So, Benny, have you now understood what I was explaining to you yesterday?"
Benny thoughtfully replied, as he buttered his toast, "Yes daddy, I now understand the government! The President is screwing the Workforce, while Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the People, and the future is full of shit!''

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Find the Water

A Nigerian, an American and a German boarded a plane.

As the plane was flying over the sea satan came out and said to them:
"I want you to drop something into the sea, if I find it you die and if I don't, you live."

The American quickly plucked a button from his shirt and threw it into the sea. Satan dived into the sea and came up with the button.
 ''see!'' he said, and killed the American.

The German threw a Pin into the sea, Satan dived and came out with the Pin.
 ''See!'' he said and killed the German.

The Nigerian brought out a pure water sachet, opened it and poured the contents into the sea holding back the sachet, he said to Satan, ''Oya begin find water inside water...Idiot''.

Even the devil bowed in defeat.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Amaka's Husband

I just had to share this one....
Teacher: "Amaka, What do u wanna be in life?"
Amaka: "A successful multi billionaire business woman."
Teacher faces Akpos.
Teacher: "Akpos what of you?"
Akpos: "Amaka's husband"

Monday, August 4, 2014

Genie on the beach

The story is told of a woman walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman soon came back to her senses and asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said,
"Nope. . . due to inflation, constant downsizing, fierce global competition, and low wages in third-world countries, I can only grant you one wish. So, . . . what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said,
"I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want Israel and Palestine to stop fighting with each other. "
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed,
"Gadzooks, Lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for centuries. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish. "
The woman thought for a minute and said,
"Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for — a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said,
"Let me see that map again!"

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Don't smoke, run

One day, a Rabbit was running around the forest happily when he saw a giraffe smoking marijuana, "Hey" he said to the giraffe, "why do you do this to yourself my friend? Just run around the forest with me, and you'll feel happier."

The giraffe thought about this, left the smoke and started running with the rabbit.

After a while, they came across an elephant taking heroin, "Hey" said the rabbit to the elephant, "why do you destroy yourself with drugs? Just run around the forest with me and you'll definitely be happier."

The elephant thought about this, left his drugs and started running around the forest with the rabbit.

After a while, they saw a Lion taking cocaine, a powerful drug, "Hey" the rabbit said to the lion, "why do you punish yourself so? Just run around the forest with me and you'll feel happier."

Then the lion left his drugs and started giving the rabbit the beating of his life.

"Hey" said the elephant to Mr Lion, "This guy is only trying to help us from taking drugs, why are you beating him up?"

Then the lion said, "Don't mind this idiot! That's how he makes me run around the forest with him whenever he's high!"