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Life

God created the donkey and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20."
God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him, "You will guard the house of Man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog."
The dog answered, "Sir, to live 30 years is too much. Give me only 15."
God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him, "You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey."
The monkey answered, "To live 20 years is too much. Give me only 10."
God granted his wish.

Finally god created man, and said to him, "You will be man, the only ra…

A Lawyer and a Jamaican

A Lawyer and a Jamaican...
A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy...
So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500..'

This catches the Jamaican's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
'What's the distance from The Earth to the moon?'
The Jamaican doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Jamaican's turn.
He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down w…

Bastard

I just got this .....enjoy

Pls read through this converastion …
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.

PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he put his hand in my top.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he took my clothes off.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he had sex with me!

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist had sex with the girl

GIRL:.Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, then he told me he has AIDS.

PSYCHIATRIST:BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!

Bob the hardworker

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob f…

With love, I thee wed....

BEFORE MARRIAGE.....
HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

SHE: Do you want me to leave?

HE: No! Don't even think about it!

SHE: Do you love me?

HE: Of course! Over and over.

SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?

HE: No! Why are you even asking?

SHE: Will you kiss me?

HE:Every chance I get.

SHE: Will you hit me?

HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.

SHE: Can I trust you?

HE: Yes

SHE: Darling!

...............AFTER MARRIAGE
SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP

§ VACANCIES IN NIGERIA TODAY

Job search.naija

A foremost Political Party in Nigeria , popularly referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:

First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.

A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.

MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experience in corrupt practices.

Must be ready to shun the voices of the People in allegiance to the Party's wishes.

Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.

Duly qualified candidates should please forward their detailed CV's to the Party Secretariat.

NB: Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts will be given preference.

The selection process will definitely be biased and open to changes without notice, as this is part of the party policy.

Short listed athletes will be given a course in 'Political Jargons' to familiarize them with the language of…