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LASTMA palava

A true story from an acquaintance....

I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a LASTMA official, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it. (The door's lock is faulty)

As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.

LASTMA Official: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?

Me: (I bone my face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?

LASTMA Official: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from?

Me: From hospital.

LASTMA Official: Ehen! you sick?

Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.

LASTMA Official: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?

Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.

LASTMA Official: The dog know you?

Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?

LASTMA Official: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?

Me: How you take enter?

LASTMA Official: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open. (The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).

LASTMA Official: (Now sliding forward) Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.

Me: How much you go pay me?

LASTMA Official: Ah! I neva hustle anything since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.

Me: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).

LASTMA Official: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join. (Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient) Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!

Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)

LASTMA Official: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!.


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